Thursday, September 18, 2008

one potato, two potato


At first we thought we'd found the hiding spot of the 7th Earl of Lucan, Richard Bingham, who has not been seen since murdering his children's nanny one November evening in 1974. But no, we'd found some bags of art, otherwise known as potatoes. Alas, there was, thankfully, no blight involved: capitalist overproduction had dispensed with the spuds, whose apparent uselessness, as production's unsightly excess (they were, afterall, unwashed potatoes), was now free to become apparent as art.

The Earl's of Lucan, apart from being famous for disappearing after committing in-house murders and leading the disasterous Charge of the Light Brigade, were also involved in Ireland's Great Famine, 'owning' over 60,000 acres of Land. The Irish Landlords- English nobility who very often hadn't placed a foot in Ireland- and their tyrannical Middlemen made conditions so bad for their peasant cottiers- celts who had once freely grazed cattle across the land- that single crops became the norm. Thus a single potato disease could wreak terrible suffering, famine and death, and lead to an Irish Diaspora. Some say the English are responsible for genocide. Well, that's a bit of a simplification of a highly complex and exploitative chapter in colonial history. But what does precise history matter when we have, here, art and entertainment! Art that can so allusively exploit, um, i mean problematise and explore notions of colonisation, economic exploitation, the Irish/Australian convict connection, the history of the readymade, happenings, art povera... and bags of dumped, um, potatoes. Does being unwashed make them abject?

Who cares what lies beneath the cobblestones, anyway, when there are some very complex art objects opportunistically placed amongst a found barrier atop the cobblestones! We don't need a Paris Commune, for we have art to capture all our radical sentiments, and art institutions to re-construct, critique, reference and, um, exploit radical historical protests within! As you can see by the politically interested gazes, we have thoroughly created a situation whereby art can radically liberate untrammeled desire!


Now we shall all be free to wear brown polo shirts, khaki shorts, and beautiful, rustic sandals, all in the culturally tanning glow of art!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

anyone for bagels?


These bagels were hankering to inflict a damming cultural critique upon the late-modern urban environment. But the bakery who failed to sell them during the day, at night dumped them in the trash. Lucky for the bagels, whilst passing their bin we happened to smell their revolutionary potential. So we liberated them and released their force- in a very orderly manner- upon the Melbourne CBD. Look at the hypnotized spectators, fixed by the penetrating eyes of the bagels.

Is it a homage to Carl Andre? Is it art? Is it a geometrically aligned collection of Bagels? Is it a terrorist threat? Were they liberated from a bin?

For 30 minutes, crowds gathered and dispersed, basking in the cultural capital of this artifact which, not readily falling beneath any other explanatory sign, passers by called 'art'.

No-one dared disturb the gaze of the bagels.

That is, until one of Melbourne's ubiquitous street cleaners decided to review the installation for Art Forum...

bed skating


This minimalist object- otherwise known as a perfectly good single bed- was found nestling amongst trash in a Melbourne alleyway. Here it has been mysteriously transported to a new exhibition site- a tram stop.

Note the avid young gentleman who kicks the art-object. Being a loyal supporter of dematerialized art, he took the presence of the bed as an affray upon his critical sensibilities. So he kicked the bed in a privileged example of relational aesthetics. Then he called us faggots (two men upon a bed may be OK in private, but there is still some way to go until such behaviour is publicly accepted).
A subtle performance.
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Public art at its most engaged... and engaging!

Sunday, August 31, 2008

samosas


This installation of samosas was inspired by the outdoor sculptural works of Donald Judd... and by the bin they were found sitting upon. They only needed to be liberated from a double-knotted plastic bag to become high art.


Notice how the geometrical positioning of the samosas denies the functional intention of what were formerly 'chairs'. What beautiful artifacts!


The serial placement reveals a strange, unfamiliar objecthood.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

hand job


Here our lovely model styles... a beautiful new hand!

In the advent of malfunctioning traffic signals, who needs those paid thugs the police to direct traffic? A rubber hand can do the job much more efficiently, and much less threateningly.

The situationists called this detournment... we just think it is a beautification of public art.

Wow! Is that a performance artist interpreting the birth of Dionysus from the thigh of Zeus? When did Hermes start wearing blue?
Somebody better call emergency...

... call an emergency reporter from Artlink magazine: the art-market is going to go through the roof!

The best way to copyright something is to send a copy to yourself through the mail!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Thumbtacks and noticeboards


These posters were discovered distributed across the noticeboards of several Melbourne universities, amongst other fortunately blessed places.

Who will protect the flock?

Did you know that the use of Lithium in treating Bipolar Disorder was pioneered in Melbourne by a Psychiatrist who injected the urine of psychiatric patients into guinea pigs?




Wednesday, August 27, 2008

sushi actions


Have you noticed how, at the end of the business day, all the unsold nori rolls are packed into containers of 3 or 4 and sold cheap? When these containers are not sold, they all end up in bins. Then they escape the bins and stalk neon signs in sex shops in ode to the minimalist Dan Flavin.

Brochures for C21st art holidays to MoMA...

and the Guggenheim!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

sushi actions


A prawn is here being positioned as the final touch to this award winning sculpture.


The finished work. Who could ever guess that it was created from found materials.


A bustling Friday night in Me!bourne.


The technical capacities of humankind have become so advanced that photographic images of grass can now be printed upon canvas... and found in bins!


The noble savage in us cannot resist being drawn towards the plot of nature in amongst the modern city.


Meanwhile, the vanguard artist in us cannot help but explore emerging- or fading- art fads. As you can see, the classical sculptural form has been placed upon its side (in a partial homage to the ready-made tradition) and has had some text added... it is now a relational object... but where does the object end and human subjectivity begin, or vice versa? Does the viewer make the work?


The simulacrum of grass has attracted more free spirits.


Whilst the formerly sculptural artifact has been sublated into a higher aesthetic objectification of spirit. It is an angelic creative being, followed by a flock of eager curators.

sushi actions


By placing a single nori roll upon the ATM on the left, we disarmed its capacity to issue debt-creating credit and alienated capital.


Take note of the technology that rendered the ATM functionless!


Although a space was left upon this seat for anyone who desired to interact with the art work, nobody took advantage of the possibility.


This serial minimalist sculpture was sponsored by Melbourne's pre-eminent department store... which also has very fruitful bins.